A Very Crafty Christmas

While we have chosen the Winter Solstice as the impetus for our family's "festival of light" celebration, our extended families celebrate Christmas. While this works out wonderfully in regards to figuring out the timing and balance of celebrating quietly at home and celebrating with our relatives in a larger way, it can turn into a bit of a celebration overload. Last year we had our whole disastrous Solstice extravaganza at home, and then 4 days later went to Lena's parents' house for a repeat performance on Christmas morning (with Lena's parents, sister, 2 brothers and our brother-in-law as captive members of the audience). This year, as with Solstice, we were determined to do Christmas differently. Lena and I proposed to the family that we approach Christmas with a "smallering" (a la The Lorax) frame of mind. After a couple of weeks of email discussion, we all decided that we would drastically scale back the gift-giving so that everyone would exchange small, handmade or otherwise "green" gifts through the stockings, as opposed to giving each other larger under-the-tree presents. In addition to making stocking gifts for Christmas morning, we wanted to make presents for some of the other special children in our lives. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, our house (or at least the dining room table) was transformed into Craft Central. Lena and I had so much fun making things for everybody.

Christmas morning at Lena's parents' house. Everyone lines up in age order: Zeb, Jaz, Luke, Melissa (Lena's brother Will's girlfriend), Will (Lena's brother), me, Lena, Addie (Lena's twin sister/Tucker's mom), baby Tucker, Max (Addie's husband), Ethan (Lena's brother), Donald (Lena's dad) (Lena's mom, Merka, was taking the picture)

The task of making things that kids would really enjoy was the most daunting. While I've always wanted to be a wooden toy maker (and have plenty of ideas about what kinds of toys I would make), I feel limited in my lack of woodworking tools or skills. So I searched through many pages of Etsy shops to find inspiration for handmade children's toys. When I entered the keywords: "knight toy," I found just what I was looking for in a shop called "Goose Grease." Lukas and Jasper have always loved playing with plain wooden peg figures (much to my bewilderment since I always preferred more realistic toys as a kid. I was shocked when, at age 4, they dismissed the detailed Kathe Kruse dollhouse dolls we got them (to match our own family) in favor of a set of rainbow colored wooden pegs). So the idea of painting wooden pegs into characters struck me as brilliant. I "caught the idea" (a nice way to say "copied") for what to make for Lukas (with wooden pegs from this online craft supply store) directly from goosegrease's shop.

Four Ninjas and a Teeny Tiny Super Guy

Painting the wooden pegs was so much fun that I decided to make painted figures for all of the small children in our life. Our potluck group (we have weekly potlucks with a group of friends) picked names out of a bowl for a secret gift exchange, and we picked the family that includes Zeb's good friend Elijah (who is nearly two). Elijah is an Elmo fan, so I decided to make him a set of Sesame Street characters.

Big Bird, Snuffy, Elmo, Oscar, Cookie Monster and Grover

Next I made some wooden peg creations for our niece, Araela. I wanted to make her some characters from a book, and my mom suggested the characters in Kevin Henkes' Mouse books. I decided to focus on the mouse "Lilly," specifically, and painted Lilly, her Mama and Papa, and her baby brother, Julius (consulting the book, Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse for outfit ideas). Lilly's family is a perfect match for Araela's family (who welcomed baby Ezra two months ago).

Papa, Mama, Lilly and Julius

The Mouse Family from behind

Once the mouse family was finished, Luke and Jaz insisted that I also make Lilly's best friends: Chester, Wilson and Victor.

Chester, Wilson and Victor

And once I had made Lilly's friends, it seemed the set would not be complete without Lilly's favorite teacher (a key figure in the books), Mr. Slinger. I packaged all 8 mice up in a box, and sent them off to Oregon.


Jasper watched intently while I painted the mice, and requested many times that I paint for him a "family of Yodas" (Yoda from Star Wars--the movies that the kids are most obsessed with despite never having seen them). Despite much doubt about my ability to be successful, I decided to attempt it. I gave up after about 5 minutes (I've never seen the movies either and struggled with how to make a round peg into a Yoda-shaped head), but Lena rallied and truly did a most excellent job.

Yoda, Yaddel, "Yippie," "Yah," and baby, "Yo"
(Yoda and Yaddel are real Star Wars characters,
Jaz came up with the names for the other 3)

Side View: note the fabulous ears

When it came time to make some "guys" for Zeben, I decided to keep it simple. These days he's really into colors (his favorites are pink, yellow and orange), and drawing "happy guys," (or rather, insisting that we draw them for him: happy faces, sad faces, surprised faces, etc.). I think he is learning about "feeling words" at nursery school (the other day when I was particularly frustrated with either Lukas or Jasper, Zeb asked sweetly, "are you feeling angry, mom?"). I painted five wooden pegs in solid colors and then added stick-figure-esque faces.

Angry Guy, Cool Dude Guy (aka "Glasses Guy"),
Surprised Guy, Happy Guy, and Sad Guy

When I ordered the wooden pegs, I also got some cute little wooden snowmen, and I painted a couple of them for our favorite pair of three-year-olds, Elijah and Aryeh, in honor of the first really snowy day (on which we were supposed to get together and go sledding, but our family never made it due to it being one of those days).

When I was thinking about what we could possibly make for Jaz and Luke's stockings, before I caught the wooden peg characters idea from goosegrease, I thought of making them some magic wands out of sticks. Lena got really excited about that idea, so we decided to go ahead and make them in addition to the Ninjas and the Yodas. Lena collected some fallen maple branches, and whittled them into wand-like sticks. I varnished them with non-toxic acrylic varnish, and Lena added some colored embroidery floss to fancy them up.

Warning: Known to turn people into frogs

For Lena's father, Donald, I followed through with an idea that first came to me last spring. Donald has a bit of a birdhouse collection (some of which he's made, and some that have been given to him over the years). Several months ago I took pictures of the birdhouses scattered about the property, and I just now finally got around to making them into 10 different greeting cards. A few of my favorites:




For Lena's mother, Merka, I made a canvas wood carrier (for carrying chopped wood inside the house). It's basically a large rectangle of canvas with straps. Lena's parents have a new woodstove (in addition to their three fireplaces), so I'm hoping that this will prove quite useful.

For our baby nephew, Tucker, I made a "Splashy" tee:

Together, Lena and I sewed reusable snack bags for all of her siblings and her parents. I lined them with waterproof PUL, and we filled them with chocolate-dipped butter cookies that Lena made with the kids.


People made things for us too! We love receiving handmade gifts almost as much as we love giving them. Lena's mom made us this wonderful mail organizer, which we desperately needed:


Lena's sister Addie made us some reusable snack baggies! And she even personalized them for the kids:

And my little sister, Fiona, drew for us this picture of Lena and me (from a photograph taken nearly 10 years ago):


Christmas morning was just the experience we were hoping it could be, and the kids all handled it so gracefully. It was especially wonderful to see how a reduction in the number of gifts did not put a damper on things at all. Spending the morning exchanging beautiful things with family was just as special and loving as it has always been--even more so, really, in a "less is more" kind of way--and Lena and I felt much less guilty and wasteful about the gift exchange than we have in years past.

I remember how when I was a kid there would always be the inevitable post-holiday letdown, where I'd realize that I had to wait a whole 365 days to experience all the pre-holiday craziness (and FUN!) again. This year I felt a similar sort of inertia after all of the crafting and gift-giving was over. Without a list of "things to make" hanging over my head, I woke up in the morning on the day after Christmas feeling not quite sure about what to do with myself. But then I realized that the most wonderful gift of all, the one that Lena is hard at work making for our whole family, is still definitely a work in progress that won't be done for about 6 more months. Which gives me about 6 months to make up a whole batch of my most favorite things to create--baby things!--and I just can't wait to get started.

Yule

This year we celebrated the Winter Solstice on December 22nd, the day after the actual solstice. We were hoping to have my mom join us, and she was out of town at a party on the 21st. In the end, she didn't make it to our "Winter Solstice One Day Late" celebration either (due to snow), but the delayed timing was for the best anyway, if only because of the sun. The 21st was a snowy, drearily gray day completely devoid of sunlight, whereas we were actually able to watch the sun rise on the morning of the 22nd. What's a sun celebration in the absence of sun?

As it was, we came downstairs on "solstice" morning to sunlight streaming through the windows, reflecting off of icicles! How very wintery!

And it truly was a winter wonderland outside.

This was our first solstice with our new gift plan (three sharing gifts, all bought used), and Lena and I were both thrilled with how it went down. The kids were just as excited to find the three sharing presents under the tree as they had been to discover the room full of presents last year. And they seemed much less anxious about the whole thing.

The matching red pajamas are a holdover tradition
from my Christmases as a kid

Lena has perfected the art of playsilk gift wrap.

We let the kids open one present right away, the vintage little people sesame street playset. They all loved it (we are huge fans of the "Old School Sesame Street" dvds), and got right to work playing.


Lena and I sat back and took in the joy of it all while breakfast cooked itself in the kitchen.


For breakfast we had sticky buns that Lena and I had prepared the night before so that all we had to do was pop them in the oven and wait while the house filled with the smell of warm cinnamon. They turned out perfectly.


The table was decorated with our solstice version of the Christmas Nativity; a wooden solstice tree and several wooden animal figures. I keep them boxed up most of the year so that they are extra special to play with. We also have a funky candle holder that only gets used during our winter and summer solstice meals.

Everyone loved the sticky breakfast.

After breakfast, the kids opened the other two presents and spent the rest of the day playing.


Both Luke and Jaz had mini-meltdowns about an hour after the presents had been opened, but they were half-hearted and nothing like the experience of last year. Both boys recovered quickly and returned to their joyful, sunny selves. We have deemed Yule 2008 a huge success and are definitely planning to stick to this plan from now on. Hopefully these new toys will add warmth to our winter and help the days pass until spring.

Pinch Me

I often tell the story of how when Lena and I were only just beginning to fall in love, I brought up the subject of how many babies I wanted to have. I'd been on a mission to find a wife (not just a girlfriend), mind you, so the question of quantity of children wasn't quite as off-topic as it might have been for the average college-student, babydyke couple.

"So, about babies? I've always thought that I'd like to have four; what about you?" I asked, hopefully.

Lena raised her eyebrows, "Um, I've never really thought about it, actually."

I could live with that answer. While not necessarily in alignment with my own personal dreams, it left plenty of room for persuasion. It wasn't as if she had her mind set on the eco-conscious choice to have only one child. She hadn't spent years fantasizing about her perfect future with two perfect children. She simply hadn't thought about it yet. She hadn't come to any conclusions at all. I felt there were plenty of reasons to hope that we might one day see eye-to-eye.

As it turned out, this was a conversation that would repeat itself and plague us for many years to come. While I'm sure that it is a slight exaggeration, I also like to tell the story about how the only thing Lena and I have ever fought over is how many kids to have. Granted, having two at once the first time around did kind of throw a wrench in the plans. Having twins is, in some ways, like skipping all of the intro-level classes and jumping right into Advanced Placement, Honor-Level, Accelerated Parenting. After Luke and Jaz arrived, it took two-and-a-half years for Lena to get on board with the "3 kids plan." And after Zeben was born, she assured me that she was done.

"You can talk all you want about a fourth baby, but I'm telling you, you're talking to a brick wall. I am not going to budge this time."

While recovering from my pregnancy with Zeben, I agreed that my baby-making days were over. Despite the fact that I have spent my entire life fantasizing about pregnancy, the actual state of being pregnant does not agree with me. When Zeben was only weeks old, we made the choice to get a lesbian vasectomy: we sold our remaining vials of sperm to another family who had used the same donor (the sperm bank had long been sold out of our donor's sperm). While this move wasn't entirely irreversible (we could always choose to use sperm from a different donor), it felt like a final decision, and we both agreed that it was the right decision to make. For Lena, it symbolized closure on the "how many babies should we have?" argument discussion, while for me, it simply opened up the "what's the best way to approach adoption?" folder.

And thus, the occasional disagreements continued. Eventually I accepted that my optimal timing adoption plan was not going to work out (I hoped to adopt a newborn by Zeben's second birthday, so that I'd still have a plentiful milk supply and be able to breastfeed the baby), but I held out hope that my wife would have a change of heart eventually. I knew there would be another baby for us someday.

But I can't convey with words the level of surprise I felt early this past summer when Lena came to me and said, "Love? Don't get too excited, but I think I want to get pregnant and have a baby." Don't get too excited? Seriously?! I had never even dared to hope for this particular scenario.

After "coming out" to myself at age 15, I went through a bit of a grieving process, namely in regards to what being a lesbian would mean for my reproductive future. I would not be able to effortlessly make babies out of a combination of mine and my partner's genes. How truly devastating. The consolation prize at the top of the list? The possibility of one day having a pregnant wife. When Jaz and Luke were about a year old, Lena briefly considered--somewhat seriously--the idea of getting pregnant herself. She spent a summer thinking about it and ultimately decided that pregnancy was not for her. It was difficult for me to let go of the dream of having a pregnant wife, but I certainly did not want to trade my wife in for a new, pro-pregnancy version, so I moved on, feeling only somewhat wistful about what might have been. Over the years since then, I've occasionally reminded Lena that she could always change her mind and reconsider pregnancy, but for the most part my comments have been met with silence and eyes that say, "do you really want to go there again?"

My response when Lena told me in June that she wanted to get pregnant?

"Really? Like, right now? Okay!"

We planned to start trying in August and once again found ourselves searching through donor registries in search of the perfect sperm. After several hours of reading donor profiles, it dawned on me that perhaps one of the kids' donor sibling families (soon after Luke and Jaz were born, we learned about the existence of the Donor Sibling Registry, where we immediately found 3 other families who had used the same donor as we had. In the 5 years since we first joined the DSR, we've found a total of 14 donor sibling familes with 25 children between them. We keep in touch through a yahoo group, and I think our connection will be an amazing resource for our kids as they get older) had some left over sperm that they weren't planning to use and would be willing to sell us (as we had done after Zeben was born). I thought that the chances were slim, but as it turned out, there was one family, with one vial of remaining sperm that they were not planning to use and would be happy to send our way.

A few awkward logistical phone calls later, the tiny vial of 7-year-old frozen sperm arrived at our local reproductive biology lab in Lena's name. It was hard not to feel stressed out about our single attempt at creating a biological sibling for Luke, Jaz and Zeb. While we knew that using sperm from a different donor wouldn't result in any less love for the baby we'd conceive, the idea of being able to use the same donor was just so cool. We also worried that if we had to use a new donor, our fourth child would feel like the odd kid out, especially when it came to things like the donor sibling family. Nonetheless, we tried not to get attached to the idea of our first attempt being successful. The odds were not in our favor at all since generally the chance of conception when using frozen sperm and intrauterine insemination is only about 15% per cycle.

We ended up delaying our first insemination until early October due to our move (and resulting stress level) in August. After an odd follicular phase that lasted 25 days, it finally seemed as though Lena was ready to ovulate on October 2nd. We dropped the kids off at school and drove in to the city to pick up the sperm. It all seemed so surreal. Once we got to the lab, we signed the sperm out of the freezer (much the same way as we sign Zeb out of nursery school), and proceeded to wait forever for our appointment. I kept the sperm warm in my bra while we waited, and tried to fill it, energetically, with my love while simulateously trying not to panic about how long it was taking for them to call us in. Ideally, the insemination would take place as soon as the sperm was brought to body temp. We waited for at least 30 minutes. But then they finally called us in, and the procedure went very smoothly. It seemed our timing was perfect. All that was left for us to do was to hope.

For 12 days we tried to remain optimistic while also preparing ourselves for the distinct possibility that we had not just made a baby. We went ahead and picked out a back-up donor from the sperm bank catalog, and tried to get excited about using him if it came to that. While neither Lena nor I is particularly spiritual or religious, I think we both put a lot of faith in the Universe while we waited for our fate to be revealed. If our fourth baby was meant to be a genetic sibling to our other 3 kids, then our single attempt with our last vial of sperm would be a success. If not, if our fourth baby was meant to be made out of an entirely different mix of genetic material, then Lena would not be pregnant. Everything happens for a reason. Lena seemed to be experiencing plenty of early pregnancy signs, but of course they also matched up pretty well with her usual symptoms of PMS. Finally, on October 14th, she peed on a pregnancy test, and came back to bed to share the unbelievable news. I ran into the bathroom to read it for myself.

October 14, 2008

As crazy as it feels for me to type this out: we are indeed expecting a baby in June!

We initially planned to wait as long as possible to tell the kids about their new sibling, but we ended up telling them on the day that Lena first began what would become her daily throwing-up routine, at 6 weeks pregnant. They were all very excited and happy. Or, at least, Luke and Jaz were. I'm not entirely sure that Zeben really had any clue what we were talking about, though he does seem to have some idea of the basic concept at this point.



Today, Lena is 13 weeks pregnant, and this morning we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time at our midwife appointment! It was just about the most amazing sound in the world. I feel like I am still walking around in a state of dazed amazement. I never could have predicted that our life would take this turn 2 years--or even 6 months--ago. I feel so lucky.

It was only after she'd peed on the pregnancy test on that fateful day, as we were lying in bed at 5:30 a.m., giddy and wide-awake while our children slept around us, that Lena realized what she'd done. "Oh wait!" she exclaimed, "I just realized that this means we're going to have four kids! How did that happen?!" I'm not really sure how it happened, but I am absolutely thrilled about it. I can't wait to be a mama to four. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Black-Eyed Baby

Here's one for the baby book:


Baby's first black eye: December 13th, 2008.

Baby's first Saturday night trip to Urgent Care: December 13th, 2008.

Baby's favorite thing about the experience: Getting six stickers from the nursing student.

Mom's nerves?: Intact.

Three Trees

A couple of weeks ago, we woke up to the first snow of the season. It wasn't much, but it was enough to bring out the angelic sides of Luke and Jaz.


Feeling inspired by this wintery gesture on Nature's part, we decided to head for the hills to pick out and cut down our solstice tree. Oddly enough, the hills had been spared the dusting of white, so the tree farm wasn't quite the picturesque scene I'd been imagining. But it was plenty chilly, and there were plenty of trees for us to choose between.

We told the kids that we were looking for a smallish tree, and they took it to an extreme, lusting after all of the itsy bitsy baby trees that they could find.

"We want this one!"

So Lena and I had to intervene and choose the tree without their input. Though they still helped me to cut it down.

"Yes, I'm helping."

Though Lena is perhaps the only one among us qualified to cut down a tree (she's working towards a masters in Forestry), she chose to photograph the event, while the kids and I got busy with the saw.

"Tim-ber!"

The exciting drama of felling the tree was followed by much poutiness on the parts of Luke and Jaz, who were still insisting that we had chosen the wrong tree. Not exactly the romantic experience I'd anticipated. No snow, pouty kids, who could ask for anything more?

"What did we expect?"

But then we were saved by the branch! Make that two branches. Jaz discovered a pile of discarded tree branches, and pulled out his very own "baby tree." And, of course, Lukas was quick to follow suit.

A little trim with the saw, and the "baby trees" were born.

Happiness is a tiny tree.

Zeben was blissfully unaware of all the angst at the tree farm. Aren't two-year-olds supposed to be the most challenging members of the family?

Sitting in a tree chair.

Back at home, we set up all three trees in the living room (for the tiny trees, we used buckets filled with small rocks to hold them upright), and the kids wasted no time in hanging ornaments. All of our ornaments are either animals or symbols of winter (sweaters, snowflakes, sleds, snowpeople, etc.).

And, just as it is with children, three trees are better
(more cheerful, more colorful, more festive,
more space-taking, more work) than one.