Third Child Syndrome

Some things are different for Zeben because he's our third child. For instance, when Luke and Jaz were his age (27 months), they were night-weaned (no longer allowed to nurse at night) and sleeping the first few hours of every night in their own room. I haven't even considered nightweaning Zeben yet, nor have we ever attempted to put him down for the night in his cute little toddler bed. I remember what a struggle it was to achieve those milestones with Luke and Jaz, and I have no interest in making our life any harder than it needs to be right now (especially knowing that once nightweaned, Luke and Jaz were awake every morning at 5:00 a.m., demanding breakfast . . . and that 4 years later, Luke and Jaz would still only be sleeping the first few hours of every night in their own room). Those milestones seemed so important the first time around, and now they're not even on my radar. Because they don't fall into the category of: "Parenting Choices that will have a huge impact on the future." And with the 3rd child, that's all that matters.

When Zeben acts out by hitting me in a moment of anger, I am quick to stop what I'm doing, pick him up and speak to him sternly about how it is NOT OK to hurt people with his body, and remind him about which words would be appropriate to convey his feelings. I'm hoping to nip this "hitting thing" in the bud before it becomes what it became with our first two kids--I think due to the fact that I was so non-chalant about the behavior when it first appeared (after all, it didn't hurt . . . so I foolishly tried to distract them rather than to address it). By the time I realized that it was a problem (they were beating me up all day!), it had become such a habit that Luke and Jaz are only just now starting to finally "use their words" pretty consistently.

And I never would have encouraged our first two kids to stop napping shortly after their second birthdays. It took me a whole year to realize that bedtime wouldn't be such a struggle, and that Lena and I would get quality alone time together every evening, if only the kids were actually tired at 7:00 p.m. I fought to get them to take naps even when they wouldn't easily fall asleep! They were 3 before I figured it out. Even still, I thought it was important to have a whole complicated bedtime routine with Luke and Jaz . . . a bath, pajamas, and several books every night before we'd sit in their room and sing them to sleep. The whole ordeal took at least an hour. Lena and I both dreaded it. Zeben's current bedtime routine consists of getting into bed, and falling asleep. Usually I change him into pajamas (if his clothes are dirty or not soft enough for sleeping), and I almost always remember to put a diaper on him (definite puddle in the bed if I don't), but that's it. He still gets plenty of baths and books and singing, but it doesn't often happen at bedtime for him. With our third child, we've chosen to just cut to the chase.

This afternoon Zeb fell asleep nursing in my arms on the kitchen floor, and I transferred him to the changing table pad so that he would have a soft place to nap for 20 minutes or so before I woke him up (a soft and pee-safe place, since he was not wearing a diaper and it had been a while since his last pee). And because he is a third child, he happily continued sleeping on the changing pad on the kitchen floor. . .


. . . Even when his big brothers came in and started singing and dancing around him.




I always find it funny when we have friends over after Zeben is asleep at night, and they think that they need to be really quiet, so that they don't wake him up. Zeben has never known quiet. He developed in my womb to the soundtrack of my heart beating, my organs gurgling, and his big brothers SCREAMING at each other. Sleeping through noise is not an issue for this third child. Not at all.

I can only hope that our fourth child will be just as resistant and resilient as his big brother, and that the benefits of being a 3rd child (less restricted nursing, more hours in the family bed) will outweigh the drawbacks (tougher discipline, less fanfare, less energy, being made to nap on the kitchen floor while big brothers dance around you) in the end.