This baby, this cutest baby ever, this nearly 10-month-old baby (what?!), is the flirtiest baby I've yet to know. He makes a point to connect with nearly every single person we come across, winning people over with his outrageous eyes and irresistible smile. And people can't help but get sucked in, to stare at him unabashedly, to smile back and sigh. He is not shy at all. He is so open and willing to share himself--his beauty, his love, his excitement--with everyone. It's intoxicating. He breaks down barriers, starts conversations, welcomes questions from strangers. Some people feel uncomfortable around babies. But not this one.
In attempt to be a little more like my son, I'm once again choosing to open myself up to your curiosities. Lately I've been getting several emails a day from blog readers--and I really do appreciate each one, so much--and I understand the way that getting to peek into someone's life (like my blog allows you to do) can make you yearn to know just a little bit more than what you're being shown. And so, channeling Leo, I say, ask me anything.
I will do my best to answer.
4/22/10
Ask Me Anything
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38 comments:
I have a question that is absolutely none of my business. It appears that the two of you are supporting a family of 6 on part-time income. How do you manage to make this work?
Also none of my business but... what was the major upset that happened about a month ago?
And on a less personal note... I have three boys and a nephew and we TRY to pass down all their clothes. Recently my twins turned 7 however and the system is breaking down! No pants are making it past the tallest 7 year old! The knees get holes in them. I've tried iron on patches but they never hold up. Do you have any tips? I'm thinking of maybe putting patches on right when i buy the pants...
Your family is so gosh darn cute!!! Are you going to have more children (they are so cute ou almost HAVE to!)? And if so will it have to be from another donor?
~Samantha
What is your advice for a single lesbian who hopes to settle down (Kids, healthy relationship) in the next ten years?
(In regards to your entries about bonding/mothering Leo) Was Lena's relationship with the oldest boys different to your relationship with Leo, because of the fact you'd been the biological parent before the non-bio one?
Do you think Lena would parent different if you had another baby for the same reason?
:)
Hi Lex,
My wife subscribes to your blog. One day recently, she was telling me about one of your posts, so I decided to go in and read it. Consequently, I have spent many a late night reading about you and your lovely family! I sort of started in the middle, then began reading you backward and forward (literally and figuratively). My spiritual belly is full-to-bursting this week with your stories - with camping trips, goat births, baby births, asparagus pie, birdseed bombs, bakfiets, and how to make your very own, non-biting snake - and with the anticipation for all of the wonderful things we have to look forward to as parents.
My wife and I have been together for almost 15 years (we met at 22/20 years old, in college -we're 37/35 now), and we are the parents of two very delicious 6-1/2 month old fraternal twins girls, Ruby and Eleanor.
We live in a city apartment, so our space is limited. That being said, we are giving the girls the biggest room in our apartment for their play space. Ellie and Ruby are two seconds away from crawling, and we are finally ready to put together their playroom. We are approaching their room and stuff from a “less-is-more” perspective. We are creative folks on a very tight budget.
I love the piecemeal images we get to see of your playroom through your photographs of your kids. It sounds like you and Lena have moved around quite a bit, and have had to do and redo your playroom over and over again.
I guess my question is, what elements have always remained constant, from one playroom to the next? What have you learned, over the years, isn’t as successful? What was your first playroom like when it was just your twins?
I would love to know your thoughts on how to approach setting up an at-home play space so that the kids toys, art supplies, etc. are accessible, easily stored, and, most importantly, encourage creativity and cooperative play.
Also, if we were going to have one big splurge purchase for their playroom, what would you recommend that it be? I checked out the Community Playthings website, upon your recommendation from your last round of Q&A … I am salivating over their unit blocks! I don’t’ know if we could ever afford these, but I would get them if I could.
I’m sure all of your readers would enjoy a pictorial post of your playroom in your new, more permanent home.
Lex - Thank you for being open to readers’ questions, and thank you for sharing your family’s life with us. I find your writing to be really inspirational. I may shock the pants off of my wife, and actually join her in blogging myself, as she has been pestering me to do for years;)
I read your blog at work all the time. I found it when we were both in the same DDC on MDC. (I have a beautiful 10-month-old daughter, and would love to arrange a marriage with Leo (assuming they are both hetero.))(That was a joke--I am not really a freak, but they would seriously make a fabulous couple. I can send you a picture--OK so maybe I am a freak).
Part of me wants to ask if we can be friends and come visit you, because your kids are so awesome!
But what I really, really want to know, just like your other nosey, adoring fans, is how the heck do you afford to live? My guess is one or both of you has some trust-fund help, but I would be so happy to hear that you have a magical formula for working part-time jobs in what appears to be a great community and also raise four kids.
Lex, I adore your blog and read it faithfully...even checking multiple times a day! I love your bakfiets and watched the goat birth video several times with my girls.
I'd love to know about your chickens. What is their current home like? How much work are they really? If you could do it over again, is it worth it? We are contemplating getting chickens for eggs. We raised three baby ducks a few years ago. Knowing it would be temporary, we didn't have a permanent home for them and they became a TON of work. How costly is it to set up a nice coop? What is required for their care and maintenance?
I love seeing the bright colors in your home and the snippets of your rooms like your shelves/hooks in the kitchen and the wonderful blue color. I'd love to see your playroom and living space for the colors and decorations of the living space and the set up of the playroom.
I'm sure I'll think of something else! Thanks for being willing to share!
In the midst of all the kid madness how do you and Lena find time to connect? And also, do you ever, ever feel a 'my child, you child' divide with the boys? I realize it's not the exact same, but I have two children from a previous relationship, and one of my qualms about having another child with my partner is concern over there being a feeling of 'mine & yours'.
Lex,
I stumbled upon your blog and, like zazie, spent alot of nights catching up on your posts and am truly in AWE of your life, marriage and children. Truly an inspiration to lesbian parents! (ANY parents, really!)
My question is not too intrusive, I hope. What is your philosophy on clothing your children? Waldorf inspired? I notice in most of the photos of the kids (the babies, at least) they are in gender neutral, logo/advertisement free clothing. Is this on purpose? Do you use hand me downs? Thrift shop? Do you sew any of thier clothing (other than the adorable Tshirts and soakers)? And now that your twins are older, do they decide what to wear each day? Your children ALWAYS look so COLORFUL & CUTE in each shot!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom and insight on parenting here. :)
hi lex, i've said it before, and i'll say it again, your blog is my absolute, hands down favorite to read. it's like getting a little present when i see that you've updated. i love the peek into your colorful, sometimes messy, always honest and love-filled lives!
i have a dyeing question. i used i-dye and dyed a bunch of diapers before my daughter was born and i love the way everything turned out but now almost 9 months later things are looking a bit... muddy. everything has this dirty-pinkish hue that i hate. i was wondering if you have any tricks to keep your dyed clothes and diapers from leeching out and re-dyeing each other and other things that you wash with them.
~ashley
OK--just took the time to read your previous post, and now my seems pretty silly. You already answered this question. though, yeah to me for being right!
So now I have better questions:
I think I read in another post that you plan on having one more baby. It has to have crossed your mind that you could end up with 5 boys. Does even a little part of you hope you have a girl?
Additionally, if Lena will carry the next child, does it make you a little sad that you may never have another baby to nurse?
Did Lena tell you about your queer, young adult fan club?
If not, you should ask her.
What are the pros and cons of being a two mom family? I've often thought that living with a woman might be easier than living with my male partner!
I just got my questions answered recently (thanks again!!) but can't wait to hear your answers to others' questions!
others have said similar things, but i LOVE the colors and wonderful spirit of how you and lena have arranged your home. would you be willing to do a blog photo-tour now that you guys are settled into the new place? the snippets that have shown up here have been pretty tantalizing!
My question - Are you still using the Kanoe for Leo, or is he just in your bed now? Loving your blog , Maggie
I met you again on the playground the other day! I'm Charlie, 22 year old single queer mama to a little squid named Cae. (he's 5)
I think ya'll are so terrific. It is so nice to see other little boy children wearing colorful clothes, getting around on bike, and living life so joyfully.
I always knew I wanted to be a young mom and got pregnant intentionally at 16 - I love parenting Cae and he is the swellest kid around.
I really want to have more kids (soon!) and your blog is such a sweet inspiration.
I guess I don't particularly have any questions, unless "Do you have a cute single friend who's ready to make babies?" counts.
I hope you keep up all the beautiful posts and I hope to run into you again soon!
with every question i'm reading i'm going "yes! yes! YES!" i can't think of anything to ask, but to be honest, sometimes i wonder bits about natural parenting, and think "i wonder what lex does..." not even joking. yours is definitely one of my most favorite blogs. i LOVE the way you parent. it is so inspiring.
so...if i think of something, i will be asking away. however, i would love to see some of the above questions answered!! and i second a tour of your home. from pictures i've seen, i just love your home. it would be great to see a tour. :)
New to your blog and loving it! My partner and I are moms to a sweet 2 year old girl here in Maine. It's wonderful to read about such a large two mom family. Thanks for sharing your life with us!
My question is what type of car seats/boosters do you use with your kids? Any recommendations since you've had so much experience? Thanks again.
Where did you get your water table? I love it!
How do you feel about not working (much) outside of the home? Do you ever wish you had a professional "identity" (like "teacher", "scholar", "immigration lawyer", whatever) in addition to your familial identity of "mom"?
Do you plan to work when your children are older? When they have moved out of the house? (And, since I just went back and reread the last time you answered questions: have those plans since the last time someone asked you this question?)
I have been reading your blog for a while now, and comment sporadically. I love reading about your sweet family and all your adventures. You definitely embody the spirit of fun, intentional, happy family living that I aspire to with my own small family (husband and 1 year old daughter).
I guess I don't really have any questions (aside from "can I come visit you and ride your Bakfiets?") but I want to thank you for opening yourself up like this, and really, for all your writing. Like many others, I so look forward to reading your new posts. I'm a huge fan. Keep it up!
How do you pronounce Bakfiets correctly?!? I always wonder about it.
Also, do you still have your chickens? I love when kids & chooks hang out together.
And you know we are all waiting with baited breath for more info about your next baby! hint hint!
okay, i would love to read a post about cloth diapering. have y'all always used cloth? how/when did you get started and what inspired? what is your wash routine? what kind of detergent do you use? what are your favorite dipes/covers? etc, etc. :)
Hi Lex. Wow. Thanks for being brave and letting us ask you anything. (Hopefully, if we ask anything you don’t want to answer, you won’t.) Here are some questions that sprang to mind (in no particular order)...apparently I'm feeling quite curious today:
1. I too am interested to know about where you got your water table. Also, do you keep it outside all the time? If so, do you keep it covered or does it do ok in rain and snow and such?
2. What craft projects are you hoping to do in the coming months?
3. I’d like to move our family to using less and less paper, so while we have some dishtowels, I’d like to make some more cloth towels (to use instead of paper towels) and am exploring the idea of cloth TP. I know you wrote before about your family cloth and how you were planning to make new ones with serged edges after Leo was born. How is it going? Any suggestions for someone who wants to explore this? Any suggestions for types of cloth to use? Any suggestions for laundering?
4. Also, on the paper/cloth thing, I’ve also been thinking about cloth menstrual pads. Any suggestions?
5. How is “car-light” going?
6. I was really moved by your post a few months ago about your birth history. Do you feel you’ve come to peace with the different between your hopes and dreams of birth and your birth experiences? If you imagine having more children, do you have hopes for their births (whether you or Lena births them)?
7. Similar to what you wrote in your post a few months ago, I sometimes don’t know want to tell the challenges of my pregnancy and birth story because I don’t necessarily feel it would be helpful (for example, I had some complications in pregnancy, one of which was pretty uncommon—less than 0.33% of pregnancies), yet I don’t want to be dishonest nor do I want others who might face challenges to feel like they are the only one. Do you ever share what you found challenging or disappointing about pregnancy and birth? If so, what is your guide of when to share that part of your story?
8. Do you co-sleep with your children when you’re traveling? How do you make a “family bed” on the road?
9. What’s your favorite thing about parenting?
10. What’s your favorite thing about being married?
11. What’s your favorite room in your house? What’s your favorite place outdoors?
12. Do you find it easy or difficult to be open in your blog? Do you (or others you write about) ever feel like you’ve shared too much in your blog?
13. Do you read all the comments that people make on your blog?
14. Are you curious about your readers? What would you like to know about us?
Thanks!—Curious Kathryn
While terribly mundane to you, I would love to know more about your day to day life (in hour by hour photo blog post, perhaps?) I am just so curious about your break down of time- fitting in laundry and food prep and when you squeeze in sleep. I can't wait until we have our four boys, and a sneak peak into your life would be wonderful.
I would also love to see a photo tour of your home. I know you live in a smaller sized home, and I'd love to see how you make the space work for you (especially your favorite corners of your home). As I begin to re-imagine our home as a kid-centric space I would love some beautiful, well thought out and colorful inspiration.
You are a brave woman to put yourself out there like this. You have my deepest admiration.
I'm actually just wondering how you deal with the sometimes negative (or perhaps just unwanted in some cases) influences from other children on your kids now that they're in school. Both in the differences in beliefs (those who are taught to be less open minded as your kids) as well as the material things (do the boys come home saying they WANT all these horrible cheap plastic toys that many other kids have an overabundance of?). These are some issues I'm facing, and I'm really looking forward to your insight! Thanks!
Oooh, ooooh, I have another question! Where do you find your gorgeous fabrics? And, what's your favorite baby gear?Thanks!
I am also a lover of your blog. I am always impressed with your photos - they all seem to come out so well. What advice can you offer for other parents wanting to capture beautiful pictures of our children?
my partner found your blog after we took a diapering class at Cradle a few months back. i am just starting to go through it today after giving birth two weeks ago. love it thus far!!!
my question - do you have suggestions for groups or people to talk/connect with after having what we would consider to be a traumatic birth experience here in the valley? i'm finding my c section hard to reconcile after setting my hopes on a natural birth.
I thought of another question - do you read other people's blogs? Can you share some of your favorites?
What books on parenting would you recommend?
Hi Lex,
I feel weird asking personal questions, especially since I don't comment often (I read all your posts, thugh!), but as you can see that's not stopping me!
I would love to read about your approach with discipline: how you deal with tantrums, kids disrespecting/hitting eachother (or yourself) How have you been dealing with Zeb's crankiness, etc
I'm also curious about how you keep your house free of logo-full clothing and of toys that you don't like for your kids? I'm thinking specifically about things that people may give you as presents or hand-me-downs that are usable but don't fit your lifestyle.
I just reread your first faq and I'm curious to see if you are still thinking about going back to school? any other new and exciting plans or ideas?
Like others have said I would also love to see a photographic tour of your home!
i thought of another question: do leo and zeb sleep with their amber necklaces on? do you take them off for baths/water play? i just got edie one and am trying to figure out when to leave it on/take it off.
i too, would LOVE to see a photo tour of your house!! and i've also wondered if you read any blogs and would mind sharing some of your favorites :-)
thank you for sharing!
~ashley
ps. my blog if you're interested is: http://www.edieq.com
I'd love to hear about how you weaned your twins. I've got 16 month old twins and I don't want to give up nursing but I would like to have another baby and our fertility clinic is resistant to helping us out while I am nursing.
I am not a mother, but I am the oldest of four kids. We are three girls and then my youngest sibling is a by. He is obsessed with guns--something that my mother never let us three girls even pretend to play with. She often excuses his behavior and interests saying that he is a boy. Nevermind that one of my sisters and I were as tomboy as you could get.)
The fact that she gender stereotypes bothers me, as well as his toy gun collection. Who knows how I will feel when I am actually a mother, but from my perspective right now, I would like to keep toy guns out of the hands of my kids.
I was interested in your posts dealing with the twins and the way they find ways to make guns to play with --using brooms or fairy flowers--for example. You mention in a post that you don't want them playing these sorts of games, and discouraged them from buying playmobile pirates with swords or another set with guns. Do you still feel the same way about these types of games as you did when they were younger? What do you do to encourage non-violent forms of games and discourage games involving play guns?
Also I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on kids and gender. How do you respond to comments such as "boys will be boys"? Do you have any thoughts on inherent gender characteristics versus socialized gender?
I don't know if Lex responded, but to those who asked about the water table, the brand is Community Playthings. You can order them from the website, and their tables are awesome! That is the brand we use in the childcare centers I work in! Easy to drain and clean, and easy to adjust.
Love your blog. Your family represents so much of who we envision our family to be as our daughter grows up.
One thing we struggle with is minimizing her exposure to unsafe chemicals/plastics etc as an infant- she's 8 months old and everything ends up in her mouth. I'm interested in how you balance not hovering and restricting your kids' access to things that interest them (suntan lotion bottles, keys, yogurt lids etc) and minimizing their exposure to potentially harmful things?
We're pretty mellow folks in many ways and are inclined to let her explore but we're fairly conscious of so many other decisions (cloth diapers, organic foods etc) that it seems strange not to obsess about the things she puts in her mouth.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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