Rainbows Aplenty

We timed our recent trip to the Cape to coincide with the annual event of Family Week, but only somewhat on purpose. We'd been planning to send Luke and Jaz to camp during that week, but learned at the last minute (um, because we waited until the last minute to try and sign them up) that the camp was full. Suddenly plan-free, we decided to call up some campgrounds on the Cape and see if there were any campsites available, figuring we could vacation now and send the kids to camp later (there is room in camp during the last two weeks of August, when we'd previously hoped to vacation somewhere). Family Week always takes place during the first week in August, and I've always been curious about it, so this seemed a good opportunity to check it out.

As luck would have it, there was one campsite available at a campground close to the kids' favorite beach, so we snagged it and started packing. I noted that we had missed the chance to register online for Family Week, but then also saw that registering for Family Week costs nearly $200, and decided that we'd skip out on officially participating and simply hope to pick up on the Queer Families vibe without attending any organized events (to be perfectly honest, organized events of this nature give us pause regardless of price tag).

We first headed into P-town on Wednesday evening, on the lookout for queer families and some kid-friendly dinner. Of course, P-town is always swarming with queer folk (in the most fabulous way), but we were hoping to notice an increase in the number of gay and lesbian parents. And we did, but the impact was minimal; I had expected something more drastic. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing each and every queer family who we crossed paths with, but was disappointed to realize that we were still way out-numbered by straight families. Since we live in an area that is home to an abundance of lesbian families, it was especially fun for Lena and me to come across gay men with kids (sorely lacking in our hometown), and I found myself wishing that we had chosen to register for Family Week officially, if only for the opportunity to get to know some queer papas better.

We ended up at our usual P-town dinner destination: the Aquarium Marketplace, where we picked up some burritos and ate them out on the deck overlooking the bay. I took the opportunity to attempt to photograph the kids in the same spot where I've photographed them in the past. This year's result was no more successful than those from 2007 or 2008, but I suppose it's a tradition that will continue nonetheless.

2007

2008

2010

Walking through P-town with two literate children in tow was a bit eye-opening (mostly for them).

"Mom? This poster says: 'come see the Naked Boys Singing!' What does that mean? And can we?!"

We talked to the kids about how P-town is kind of like PRIDE, and soon they were pointing out rainbow flags everywhere ("gay! gay!"), and talking about how we could know if other people were gay or not just by looking (good question!). And because we wanted others to know that we were gay just by looking, we wore Leo in the rainbow ring sling (freshly altered; it used to be a long wrap--you can see me wearing Zeb in it here, three years ago in P-town--but I cut it and sewed in some rings since we really seem to prefer to wear Leo in ring slings). Thank goodness for a little rainbow baby gear, keeping us from blending in with the straight families (just kidding . . . kinda).

"gay! gay!"

We mostly spent our days at the beach with the best surf (Luke and Jaz love boogie boarding, and Lena and I like it pretty well, too), about 20 minutes south of P-town, but one morning we went to our favorite P-town beach (sadly surf-less), in hopes of finding the queer families. Alas, the beach was nearly empty (it was a bit overcast: my favorite kind of beach day), and those families who did share it with us were nearly all regular old one mom, one dad families (we did run into one queer family who we had seen around town at home, which was fun). But I managed to rainbow up the experience despite our lack in queer company by collecting these rocks:

I've been collecting rainbows of beach stones
since my babydyke days . . . I just can't stop.

Overall I guess I'd say I was a little disappointed by the lack of any apparent queer family vibe. It's now clear that to really partake in the Family Week excitement, we'd need to actually attend some of the Family Week events. Perhaps we will next summer. I did realize, while walking around P-town in search of other families like ours, that I do wish we had more of a queer community in our everyday lives. The vast majority of our parenting friends have always been straight: our parenting philosophies, age, and the ages of our children (among other things, such as our appreciation of good food and drink, and our willingness to let our kids stay up way too late in the name of grown-up fun) trumping our sexual orientations. And that's perfectly fine, but I am feeling a new urge to connect more with the queer culture and to give our kids a larger understanding of what it is to be part of a queer family. I want them to know that it's about more than rainbows.

I recently joined a local support group for queer non-gestational parents, and I love getting the chance to talk about the issues affecting our families in a group of people who all really understand them. How validating! It makes me feel so much less alone, and so much more excited about being part of a queer family. While I still feel like there are other factors, beyond queerness, that are more important when connecting with potential new friends, I am going to make more of an effort to search out other two-mom or two-dad families who we might resonate with. Along these lines, we're thinking of hosting a potluck for local LGBTPQ families, so if you're part of a local, queer family and you'd like to join us, send me an email!