Babymooning

Leo is three weeks old tomorrow, and it seems that the intensive portion of our babymoon has drawn to a close. For the first couple of weeks, I felt as though I was stumbling through life in an altered state, learning how to be a mother in a whole new way, struggling to find balance between meeting the needs of Luke, Jaz, Zeb, the house and the animals, and my own need to be nesting in bed with Lena and Leo. I found myself looking at everything differently, remembering the baby versions of our older kids while staring at Leo's beautiful face, and gaining new appreciation for Lena's past experience in my current position--as the non-gestational parent--after their births. My previous babymoon experiences had been so focused on the physical: recovering from pregnancy and surgery, coping with the outrageous amount of milk my body was making and my painful breasts, eating like I'd never eaten before, a practically unquenchable thirst, an exhaustion so deep it was exhilarating. But this time, I found myself experiencing the babymoon in a much more cerebral way, my thoughts racing a mile a minute while my brain worked to make sense of my new reality. It was not necessarily the relaxing, dreamy experience I had been anticipating, but it was definitely essential. I'm glad we took the time to hole ourselves up and shut out the world, forget everything else, and lose ourselves in this baby. Even if it means that the kids were late for camp every day and they watched about a million hours of Charlie and Lola while emails went unanswered, phone calls were not returned, and this blog was sorely neglected.

Leo yawning
2.5 weeks

But now, 3 weeks after Leo's birth, our life has found rhythm once again, and I am feeling more like myself. We are no longer tethered to the bed, or the house, and the freedom of being able to pack up the car at a moments notice and head to the lake for a picnic dinner feels so good. This morning for the first time I brought Leo with me when I went to drop off the big kids at camp (while Lena stayed home sleeping after a rough night), and I loved getting to move through the world with my four small companions. It is finally starting to feel real: we have four children!


And it seems that everything is different now that this sweet little lion is among us, my visions of the future are changing, our dreams are morphing into something new. What seemed important before is not necessarily so anymore in this time of clarity about what matters MOST: the kids, being together, community, laughter, love.


The lessons of this babymoon have been rich and plentiful. This baby has already changed me, changed us, changed everything for the better. And I can't wait to see what comes next.