Finding My Way

Leo is five days old now--nearly six!--and while I still feel like he was just born yesterday, this new existence is starting to feel like the new normal (I'm sure it will feel even more normal once Lena and Leo leave the bed and join the rest of us downstairs). I am feeling much better about my status as the NGP of a newborn; thank you for all of your sweet comments on my last post. I think what's helping me the most is being careful to not compare this mothering experience to the experiences I had mothering our other newborns, and instead simply enjoying it for all that it is. I am also taking some of my own advice (given to many, many mothers in LLL over the years) and remembering about all of the ways a NGP (non-gestational parent) can care for and bond with a newborn in the absence of milk (though hopefully I will be sharing in the nursing of Leo in a small way when he's a bit older, Lena will continue to be his primary source of breastmilk). I've always loved babywearing, but I can already tell that I'm really going to love wearing Leo.

In bliss, wearing 4-day-old Leo

And, happily, Leo--just like his brothers before him--
absolutely loves to be worn.

The first time he felt the sun on his face
4 days old

Having conceived all four of our babies in a less than traditional way, and without the ability to create them out of a combination of our genetic material, Lena and I have always been of the opinion that genetics really don't matter that much. I've never really thought of Luke, Jaz or Zeb as being genetically related to me, and it certainly isn't a fact that has carried any weight over the years. But now that I have this tiny little baby who is, in many ways, a mini-Lena in appearance, I can't help but realize how amazing it is to get to raise a child created with genetic material from My Love. I do feel like his resemblance to my wife does send extra sparks of love shooting through my chest. Leo looks like his big brothers too; we see bits and pieces of all of them in him, which is just really cool, and gives Leo a wonderful familiarity.


I am so grateful to my wife, for having grown and birthed this shockingly beautiful baby, and for sharing him with me so genuinely. For encouraging me to hold him, and change him, and wear him whenever I can. For giving me the space to grow into my new role as Leo's mother, and for loving us both--Leo and me--so well.