Leo's Birth: My Perspective

While we were at the beach, I was hoping--of course--that Lena would not go into labor until we got back home. But I was also hoping that we wouldn't have to wait a long, long time for Leo to be born. I figured that the ideal scenario would be that we'd return home safely, have some time to unpack, do 100 loads of sandy laundry, resettle, and that THEN labor would start, right at 40 weeks or so. And this is exactly what happened.

I had a feeling on Monday, June 22nd, that something was shifting. Lena started to act a little bit spacey, mixing up her words now and then (i.e. saying "two eggs in one yolk!" instead of "two yolks in one egg!"), putting batteries in wrong, losing my credit card in the pocket of her sweater, just some small uncharacteristic things. A friend called us and asked if we would be willing to be professionally photographed because she is opening a new maternal wellness center and wanted a photo of a "pregnant lesbian couple" to hang on the wall. I said sure, but let her know that it better happen soon because I didn't think we were going to be a pregnant lesbian couple for much longer. We made loose plans for the photographer to come that Wednesday.

On Tuesday, Lena went for her monthly acupuncture appointment and I wondered if that would get labor started. But, when she returned home, she told me that her acupuncturist (and long-time family friend) said that he didn't feel comfortable doing anything to stimulate labor since he believes that all babies should get to choose their birth dates. There was no physical indication that labor was about to start anytime soon, and Lena seemed pretty stable emotionally too. She certainly wasn't sending down eviction notices or talking about wishing the baby would just get out. Nor was she lamenting that she would be pregnant forever. I started to wonder if maybe we still had a couple weeks to wait after all.

But then, on Wednesday morning, Lena said, "you mean, this could go on for another two weeks?!" And I smiled and said yes, but also thought that her change in attitude/tone was a good sign. That night we had a picnic in town, and had fun telling everyone we ran into that Lena was due the very next day. On Thursday morning, the due date, I woke up at the usual time, and Lena said, "I think I might be in early labor." She explained that she'd been having regular, mild (but stronger than Braxton Hicks) contractions since about 4:30 a.m. They were coming every 10-15 minutes. She had also maybe lost her mucus plug, which she saved for me to inspect. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom, just as I had on the morning when Lena peed on the pregnancy test in October, and inspected the suspect mucus. It looked like a plug to me!

We knew that it could still be days--or maybe even longer--before our baby was actually born, but it definitely seemed like something was starting to happen. We made the kids' lunches and got them ready to go to camp. Lena called our midwife to let her know what was happening, just in case she had been planning to go out of town or something. Our midwife said her schedule was wide open, and advised Lena to eat well, drink lots of water, and try to sleep as much as possible. I also called the photographer--who hadn't come the day before due to the weather--and told her that she should probably come sooner rather than later if she wanted to photograph the pregnant belly. She planned to come around 1:00.

Our goat, Chive, had been steadily declining in health for the past few days, and I had been planning to go to the farm store about 30 minutes away to get some de-worming medication for her (wanting to rule out worms first). Lena decided that she would come with me, so we dropped the kids off at camp together and hopped onto the interstate. Lena had a couple of contractions in the car, and she would lift her bum up off the seat a bit to wiggle her hips through them. We were very excited. After getting everything we needed at the farm store, we headed over to the co-op to pick up some groceries (and to check and see if they had Lena's most favorite eclairs, which, sadly, they didn't). I decided to get some snack food for the kids so that they'd have plenty to eat over the next couple of days, in case this was labor.

I dropped Lena off at home so that she could shower and try to take a nap before the photographer came. She was still having contractions, though they seemed less frequent (every 20-30 minutes now). I then went to pick up Zeben and brought him back home. I decided not to put him down for a nap, since when he naps he tends to stay up very late at night (usually until at least 10:00), and if he doesn't nap, he's in bed by 6:45. I theorized that labor--if this was labor--would likely pick up once it got dark out, and I thought it would be nice to have Zeben asleep for as much of the evening as possible. Lena, on the other hand, had indeed fallen asleep for a quick nap, sleeping through any contractions she may have had during that time.

The photographer arrived and started taking pictures of Lena outside, and eventually I joined in the "fun" (I actually really hate having my picture taken, but it wasn't that bad). A vintage pick-up truck had mysteriously appeared in our yard a couple of days before, and the photographer had a great time taking pictures of Lena sitting in the cab, with me leaning on the hood. We both ended up getting naked from the waist up, which was a little nerve-wracking since we don't live in the most private location, but our landlords were away (one of our hopes for labor all along), so it seemed OK. Lena continued to have contractions throughout the photo shoot, though they definitely seemed to be petering out a bit.

a photo from the shoot

I went to pick up Luke and Jaz from camp, and on the way home stopped by a different grocery store to do a bigger shop so that we'd be really all set food-wise for the next couple of days. We had chicken sausage, cous cous, and grilled zucchini and summer squash for dinner. Lena ate well, and only had to get up from the table once or twice to wiggle her hips. For a very special treat (something we've never done before), we watched a movie, "Newsies" during dinner. We wondered if it would be our last dinner as a family of five. Zeb went straight to bed around 6:30, and then we let Luke and Jaz continue watching the movie while Lena and I went out for a little walk. We walked along the river, and the breeze was wonderful.

walking along the river

pausing for a contraction in the garden

The contractions seemed to be picking up in frequency, but not necessarily intensity. When we got back to the house, Lena spent some time getting Luke and Jaz in bed. Once everyone was asleep, we worked on cleaning the house. We put away all of the toys, did all of the dishes, and vacuumed all of the rooms. Everything looked great. Then we called Katie, our bestfriend/doula/midwife's apprentice just to check in (as we had been during the day). She mentioned that she had the next book in the series Lena was reading, and was thinking of bringing it by, and Lena said, "yes, please." We also had her pick up some gatorade and lemonade that we'd been meaning to have on hand for the birth.

When Katie arrived, around 9:00, she noted that the contractions were coming way more often than we had said (we were still thinking they were coming every 15 minutes or so, but hadn't been timing them). Katie timed a few and said it was more like every 8 minutes. Zeben woke up soon after Katie got here and didn't want to go back to sleep. He thought he had just taken a really late nap. So I set him up in front of a Charlie and Lola movie, got him a snack, and continued hanging out with Katie and Lena. We blew up Katie's birth ball since we realized that ours had a hole in it (not surprising since the boys had been playing with it outside for a few weeks). Katie listened to the baby's heartbeat with her fetascope, and Lena and I got to listen too! It was actually the first time I'd heard his heartbeat since our 13-week midwife appointment (where we listened with the doppler). Our midwife's fetascope doesn't work for me (I can't hear a thing), but Katie's worked great. It was the best sound in the world. Lena still seemed completely coherent, and it was unclear whether or not labor would start in the night or if the contractions might just stop all together once we went to bed. At 11:00, Katie left, and Lena, Zeb, and I went upstiars. Zeben quickly fell asleep and Lena and I watched a show for an hour. During contractions, Lena would flip onto her hands and knees, but the contractions weren't taking much of her attention. At midnight, we decided that we should try to sleep. I didn't think I'd be able to--too excited--but apparently I fell asleep instantly. The next thing I remember was hearing Lena moaning and feeling her rocking beside me, and then she woke me up and said that she thought she was in active labor.

It was 1:15 a.m. Lena had been having diarrhea, and said the contractions were coming every five minutes, if not more frequently. She thought it was time to call Katie and the midwife. I suggested that maybe I should check her dilation first so that we'd have that information to tell the midwife and to gauge how things were progressing. I had been checking her dilation every so often for the past couple of weeks, and I knew that her cervix had been completely closed the day before. So I washed my hands, and checked and found that her cervix had moved down quite a bit, and that it was just about 1 cm dilated. I knew that generally it wouldn't be considered "active labor" until 3-4 cm dilation, but Lena seemed quite distressed and was definitely acting like she was in active labor. We went downstairs so that we could call Katie and the midwife. I called Katie first and told her that we wanted her to come. She was definitely surprised to hear from us again so soon! I explained that Lena was only 1 cm dilated but that things were intense and that we could use some support (I thought that having Katie there would help "lighten" things up). I told the midwife that the contractions were coming every 5 minutes or so, and that they definitely required all of Lena's attention (she did not feel like she could make the phone call herself), and that she was 1 cm dilated. The midwife said that she would come whenever we wanted her to, and I said that we would wait until after Katie arrived so that she could help us assess the situation. Our midwife thought that sounded great and again advised us to try to rest, and said that maybe Lena should try to take a warm bath to help her relax in order to sleep. I learned from our midwife later, that she didn't expect to hear from us again until the next day.

Katie arrived just as Lena finished throwing up in the sink. She told us that she thought our primary goal should still be to sleep, so she helped us get cozy on the green couch in the kitchen. When Lena would have a contraction, she'd flip over and put her knees on the floor, leaving her head on the couch. After a little while, she needed to have someone pressing hard on her lower back during contractions. Katie and I took turns doing this and Katie was so great about making sure that Lena was drinking. Katie also checked the baby's heart tones with her fetascope, and it was amazing to see how much lower Leo was than he had been a few hours before (based on location of his heartbeat). Things seemed rather serious and intense, and at some point I said, "hey, what happened to the dance party?" Lena smiled a little--I think that was the only time during the whole active portion of labor--and I turned on the labor mix.

Jaz woke up, and was confused when he couldn't find Lena in bed (usually he snuggles her in the night). I snuggled him back into his own bed, and told him that we simply hadn't gone to bed yet (I purposefully did not tell him that Lena was in labor). While I was upstairs, I also quickly posted to the blog and facebook that labor was a happening thing. When I got back down, I felt more awake than I had before, and suggested that I make a breakfast birthday pound cake for Leo. Katie said it wasn't time to do anything like that yet, and that we should really still be trying to sleep (in retrospect, I'm really glad I didn't start making a cake just then!).

Around 3:15, Katie suggested that I try to lie down in the living room and see if I could fall asleep. We still thought that we had hours to go, and since Lena only needed one person pushing on her back, it seemed to make sense that we should trade off. I went and laid down, but couldn't fall asleep. It seemed like I was hearing Lena moaning more and more frequently, so I went back into the kitchen. It was 3:45. Katie said that the contractions were coming much closer together, double-peaking, and that it was time to call the midwife again. I called her and explained what was happening, and said that she should come. She asked if I was sure if we wanted her--did Lena want her? I asked Lena and Lena said, "YES!" Our midwife lives nearly an hour away, so we knew it would be a while before she actually arrived.

Right after I called the midwife, Lena said that she had something wet on her legs, and she had to go to the bathroom. We went upstairs (our only bathroom is on the second floor), and discovered that both of Lena's thighs were covered in blood. It was pretty intense. Katie came up and I could tell from the look on her face that this wasn't something she had seen a lot before. She told me that that much blood probably meant a lot of cervical change. Lena got in the shower to wash off, and decided that it was a great place to labor. She resumed her trusty hands-and-knees position, with luke warm water pounding (lightly, since our water pressure is not amazing) on her back. She wasn't talking much at all, but she would yell out, "hands!!" if Katie or I weren't there and ready when a contraction hit. I remember her saying at one point, "Why aren't I getting a break? Isn't there supposed to be a break?" Katie and I just kept reminding Lena that she was doing a wonderful job. She really did seem like a professional birther to me, making all sorts of great noises, and moving her hips perfectly.

Katie started to think that it was time for us to set up the birth tub, and went downstairs to get things ready. I was pushing on Lena's back in the shower. Lena said the suddenly felt really constipated, and I said that that was probably just the baby moving lower. At this point, I was thinking that she was probably at 4 cm. Zeben woke up in the next room, and I called Katie to come up to be with Lena so that I could go and nurse him back to sleep. It was a little after 4:00, and that's when Zeb usually wakes up every morning and then nurses pretty continuously until 7:00, when he wakes up for the day. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get him into a sound enough sleep for me to be able to go back to Lena. It was awful to lie there, nursing him, hearing Lena moaning in the bathroom. I just wanted to go to her. Finally, it seemed like he was asleep (I think it had probably been about 20 minutes), and I snuck back to the bathroom. Katie rushed downstairs to quickly get to the birth tub. I understood why after pushing on Lena's back for a contraction. It sounded a little bit like she was pushing, and then she said that she felt like she wanted to push. Katie came in, and I said, "it seems like she might be pushing?" And Katie nodded and said, "she is." But Lena was trying really hard NOT to push, and she was doing a great job blowing through her lips to try and disperse the energy. She wanted to wait for our midwife to arrive. Zeben came into the bathroom crying (as I feared, he was not able to sleep without me in bed at that point), but stopped once he saw what was happening. He remained quietly observant for the rest of the birth, and didn't leave my side.

Katie went downstairs and called the midwife again, telling her that Lena was pushing and to HURRY. Our midwife says that she then stepped on the gas and accelerated from 50 to 75 mph. It was such a wonderful sound to hear the midwife's truck drive into the driveway at 5:00 a.m. Katie helped her carry everything inside, and up to the bathroom. The first thing the midwife did was to check the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. Everything sounded great. She told Lena that Lena should just go with whatever urges she was feeling. She checked inside Lena's yoni and said that the baby's head was right there. Lena felt for the baby's head too and said, "it's not as close as I want it to be!" A few minutes after the midwife arrived, Lena's water broke with a pop and a splash. What better place to have it happen than in the bathtub! The fluid was clear, and the midwife checked Leo's heart tones again to make sure he was still doing well after the bag ruptured (and she continued to check his heart tones every few minutes for the rest of the labor).

Soon after that, Lena felt like she couldn't spread her legs wide enough apart in the tub to push the baby out. The midwife set up her birthing stool right next to the tub, and Lena climbed on to it. The midwife sat behind Lena, pushing on her back, and I sat on our little step stool in front of Lena. Our knees were touching and Lena grabbed onto my shoulders and buried her head in my neck. She pushed, and pushed and pushed. She was so strong. Sweat was dripping all over her. She said, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," but mostly just made amazing noises, occassionally blowing and panting. She really seemed to know exactly what to do. It was truly awesome.

We had planned on me trying to catch the baby, but from where I was sitting, I couldn't adequately reach, and I didn't want to abandon my post. I tried to help massage Lena's perenium with oil, which the midwife was also doing. Then suddenly, Leo's head was coming out! Once it started, it didn't stop, and his whole body slid out over the course of a few continuous pushes, along with a lot of fluid that splashed on my feet. A real baby!

Katie took this first picture of Leo from a small opening in the doorway
our bathroom is so small that the door had to be nearly closed
and there wasn't room for anyone else besides
the midwife, Lena, Zeben and me
--Leo is probably only barely a minute old here--

Lena's first look at Leo
(he was still connected to her via the umbilical cord)

Our midwife brought the baby right up to Lena's chest, and Lena held him, but seemed very stunned. I remember thinking that he was so beautiful, especially his perfect little mouth. All of his features seemed so delicate. He also looked really tiny to me. He didn't cry, but he was breathing just fine. Lena wanted him to cry, and eventually he did let out a little tiny cry. The midwife wanted Lena to move into a different position since the birthing stool is not good for postpartum bleeding. So the stool was moved out of the way, and Lena leaned back against the tub, sitting on a chux pad. I went to set up our bed (clean sheets, then a shower curtain, then more sheets, topped with an absorbent pad), but Katie took over for me, and I went back to the bathroom. While I was gone, the placenta had been delivered. It looked perfect. Our midwife tied the cord, and I cut it, and then we helped Lena walk from the bathroom to the bed.

All this time, Luke and Jaz had been sleeping about 10 feet away. They are really sound sleepers when they're asleep! Jaz finally woke up with everyone bustling through the room (you have to walk through the boys' bedroom to get to our bedroom). Katie told him that his baby brother had just been born, and Jaz got the cutest smile. A few minutes later he woke up Lukas, who was elated, and all three gathered on the bed to check out their new brother.

welcome to the pack, baby brother!

Lena tried to relax on the bed, and Leo soon latched on to nurse. Lena was not feeling quite as comfortable as she wanted to. The midwives (our midwife's assistant arrived soon after Leo was born) gave her some herbs and arnica and assessed her bleeding, which seemed fine. We all snuggled in and marveled over our new boy. Lena was nursing Leo, and I was nursing Zeb (who said, "now can we go back to bed?"). Our midwife gave the boys a "tour" of the placenta, and then popped it into the freezer for us (we will later bury it under the same tree where the other kids' placentas are buried).

the marvelous placenta

Then the big kids went downstairs and, eventually, next door, so it was just Lena, Leo and me. A couple of hours later, the midwife came in did the newborn exam.

getting weighed

We found out that Leo weighed 7 lbs., 2 oz and was 19.5 inches long.
He seemed impossibly tiny.

me touching Leo for the first time,
marveling at every little body part

I got to hold him for the first time while Lena went to the bathroom and tried to pee. Then we called everyone on the phone and let them know that Leo Star had arrived!

The only thing I regret about our birth experience is that I checked Lena's dilation that one time. If I hadn't checked her, we would have likely had the midwife come much sooner, and would have had time to set up the birth tub and take advantage of everything else our midwife had to offer in labor. But Lena has no regrets at all--she feels like everything happened just as it was supposed to--and I guess that's all that really matters. But it does prove that dilation really doesn't mean much of anything at all!

Lena and Leo spent the first week postpartum almost entirely confined to the bed, and since then have gradually been spending more time up and about with the rest of us. We are still adjusting to our new-and-improved family, but are so glad that Leo decided to join us. He is the sweetest little one. We are all 100% smitten.

pure love

sleeping on mama's chest
one week old