On Friday morning Lena and I took Luke and Jaz to be "observed" at a local, independent elementary school. It's part of the application process. We were told to bring the kids to the kindergarten classroom at 8:45 and leave them there for an hour so that the teachers could see what they're really like. I guess Lena and I were both a little nervous about the whole idea, so neither of us broached the subject with the kids until Friday morning. Like half an hour before we had to leave. Needless to say, we were met by some resistance from the shorter members of our family. There were tears. Lukas refused to go. Lena suggested that we cancel.
I'm not exactly a believer in bribery, but I admit that it is one motivational tool that I have used from time to time. I guess I think of it more like rewarding than bribing, but I'm not entirely sure that there's a huge difference between the two. In general, we try to keep our attempts at discipline both relevant and logical. I don't think that rewards or bribes can really be thought of as either. But there are times when a little bribe can go a long way. And while I am never proud of myself for resorting to this type of parenting, there are times when I am unable to control the urge, and a little bribe just slips out.
"How about after you visit the school, we'll stop by the toy store on the way home and you can pick out a prize?"
Lukas stopped crying.
"Like, you mean, a toy prize?"
From that point onward, it was easy to get the kids ready to go, and we even managed to leave the house on time. On the drive to the the school, there was much sweetness from Jaz to Lukas about how he (Jaz) would take care of Lukas and would help him feel brave.
"It's lucky that you have me for a brother, Lukas. Because I can just stay right with you and you won't feel scared at all. I will keep you safe."
And through the rear view mirror, I witnessed an exchange of such love-filled glances between the boys that I only just barely held my tears back. When we got to the school, however, Luke and Jaz immediately switched roles. Jasper super-glued himself to my leg, and Lukas became a bit bouncy and uncharacteristically outgoing. We brought them into the classroom, and Lukas happily got started with one of the activities put out on a small table, while Jasper was silent and clingy at my side.
"You can go now," chirped Luke. But Jaz squeezed my hand and whispered, "not yet."
We stayed for a few more minutes until the teacher suggested it was time for us to leave. Lukas was smiling while Jaz looked a bit pale, but neither of them protested our departure. When it was all over, they greeted us happily and said that they wished they didn't have to go yet. It had been someone's birthday in the class, and they'd gotten to partake in the birthday snack (banana muffins). Of course, as soon as we'd left the building, the tastiness of the banana muffins ("it was just like banana bread, but shaped like a muffin!") was forgotten and the only thing either of them wanted to talk about was the toy store, and exactly how far it was from the school to the toy store, and how many minutes it would take to get there.
I cannot take my children into a toy store without a clear plan of what we are and are not going to choose. For the most part, the toys in our house are all handmade and wooden, open-ended toys that encourage joint play, and I feel a bit passionately about keeping it that way. But I have found that as the boys have gotten older, it's been harder to keep finding handmade, wooden toys that excite them. So, on this day of bad parenting decisions (eeks, I sure hope this blog doesn't become a collection of bad parenting decisions), I suggested that perhaps the boys would each like to pick a Playmobil toy from the "plastic toy store." Playmobil is neither handmade nor wooden, but because of the huge role it played in my own childhood (my younger sister and I spent hours upon hours in the center of our Playmobil village), it still evokes a good amount of passion within me. And so I threw all caution to the wind and took my giddy children inside the store to browse the Playmobil selection.
There were Playmobil pirates and knights and farmers with tractors. There were Playmobil submarines and beach scenes and zoo families. Luke and Jaz contemplated each of their options. It seemed that Luke was leaning towards choosing a knight set, and Jaz was holding tight to a pirate set, and I began to feel that bit of dread in the pit of my stomach. I was offering my children a bribe, I was giving in to plastic toys, and they were going to choose the sets full of the miniature guns and swords? How was this happening? Was it too late for me to back out of this whole plan? Sure, the boys would be upset, but I could just say that I'd made a mistake, right? I could pull them from the store in tears, and we could go home and they'd get over it eventually, right? Because while I could get over the fact that I was actually bribing my children, and I could even allow a little consumerism and infiltration of plastic crap into our house, I really couldn't handle the idea of tiny, plastic weapons. Just as I was contemplating how exactly I would make the mad dash with three screaming kids, Lukas spotted a new display of playmobil in a different section of the store.
"Look mom! FAIRY playmobil!"
Both Luke and Jaz ditched the weapon-loaded sets and quickly chose a fairy set. My stomach started to feel a bit better. What sweet little boys I had! They were choosing fairy Playmobil over pirates and knights! Maybe I wasn't doing such a terrible job after all. Jaz picked the mushroom boy set, and Luke picked a little fairy with a wheelbarrow full of flowers, and they both skipped happily through town with their new purchases.
We were meeting my mom for lunch at our favorite restaurant, and it was there that I let the boys open their boxes, and I helped them snap all the pieces together (talk about nostalgia!). The boys happily played fairy land throughout the meal, and still managed to eat a good lunch.
"It's so interesting to me that they chose the fairy sets over the pirates and the knights," I told my mom. "It really gives me a bit of hope that this is what they'd be drawn to over all those guns and swords, you know? We must be doing something right."
My mom agreed, and then left to use the restroom and I got to eavesdrop on Fairy Land for a bit. It was then that I took my foot and shoved it down my throat while simultaneously stepping down off of my high horse. Because it was then that I learned that the little fairy wasn't actually pushing a wheelbarrow of flowers. Oh no--it was a wheelbarrow full of guns!
"How about after you visit the school, we'll stop by the toy store on the way home and you can pick out a prize?"
Lukas stopped crying.
"Like, you mean, a toy prize?"
From that point onward, it was easy to get the kids ready to go, and we even managed to leave the house on time. On the drive to the the school, there was much sweetness from Jaz to Lukas about how he (Jaz) would take care of Lukas and would help him feel brave.
"It's lucky that you have me for a brother, Lukas. Because I can just stay right with you and you won't feel scared at all. I will keep you safe."
And through the rear view mirror, I witnessed an exchange of such love-filled glances between the boys that I only just barely held my tears back. When we got to the school, however, Luke and Jaz immediately switched roles. Jasper super-glued himself to my leg, and Lukas became a bit bouncy and uncharacteristically outgoing. We brought them into the classroom, and Lukas happily got started with one of the activities put out on a small table, while Jasper was silent and clingy at my side.
"You can go now," chirped Luke. But Jaz squeezed my hand and whispered, "not yet."
We stayed for a few more minutes until the teacher suggested it was time for us to leave. Lukas was smiling while Jaz looked a bit pale, but neither of them protested our departure. When it was all over, they greeted us happily and said that they wished they didn't have to go yet. It had been someone's birthday in the class, and they'd gotten to partake in the birthday snack (banana muffins). Of course, as soon as we'd left the building, the tastiness of the banana muffins ("it was just like banana bread, but shaped like a muffin!") was forgotten and the only thing either of them wanted to talk about was the toy store, and exactly how far it was from the school to the toy store, and how many minutes it would take to get there.
I cannot take my children into a toy store without a clear plan of what we are and are not going to choose. For the most part, the toys in our house are all handmade and wooden, open-ended toys that encourage joint play, and I feel a bit passionately about keeping it that way. But I have found that as the boys have gotten older, it's been harder to keep finding handmade, wooden toys that excite them. So, on this day of bad parenting decisions (eeks, I sure hope this blog doesn't become a collection of bad parenting decisions), I suggested that perhaps the boys would each like to pick a Playmobil toy from the "plastic toy store." Playmobil is neither handmade nor wooden, but because of the huge role it played in my own childhood (my younger sister and I spent hours upon hours in the center of our Playmobil village), it still evokes a good amount of passion within me. And so I threw all caution to the wind and took my giddy children inside the store to browse the Playmobil selection.
There were Playmobil pirates and knights and farmers with tractors. There were Playmobil submarines and beach scenes and zoo families. Luke and Jaz contemplated each of their options. It seemed that Luke was leaning towards choosing a knight set, and Jaz was holding tight to a pirate set, and I began to feel that bit of dread in the pit of my stomach. I was offering my children a bribe, I was giving in to plastic toys, and they were going to choose the sets full of the miniature guns and swords? How was this happening? Was it too late for me to back out of this whole plan? Sure, the boys would be upset, but I could just say that I'd made a mistake, right? I could pull them from the store in tears, and we could go home and they'd get over it eventually, right? Because while I could get over the fact that I was actually bribing my children, and I could even allow a little consumerism and infiltration of plastic crap into our house, I really couldn't handle the idea of tiny, plastic weapons. Just as I was contemplating how exactly I would make the mad dash with three screaming kids, Lukas spotted a new display of playmobil in a different section of the store.
"Look mom! FAIRY playmobil!"
Both Luke and Jaz ditched the weapon-loaded sets and quickly chose a fairy set. My stomach started to feel a bit better. What sweet little boys I had! They were choosing fairy Playmobil over pirates and knights! Maybe I wasn't doing such a terrible job after all. Jaz picked the mushroom boy set, and Luke picked a little fairy with a wheelbarrow full of flowers, and they both skipped happily through town with their new purchases.
We were meeting my mom for lunch at our favorite restaurant, and it was there that I let the boys open their boxes, and I helped them snap all the pieces together (talk about nostalgia!). The boys happily played fairy land throughout the meal, and still managed to eat a good lunch.
"It's so interesting to me that they chose the fairy sets over the pirates and the knights," I told my mom. "It really gives me a bit of hope that this is what they'd be drawn to over all those guns and swords, you know? We must be doing something right."
My mom agreed, and then left to use the restroom and I got to eavesdrop on Fairy Land for a bit. It was then that I took my foot and shoved it down my throat while simultaneously stepping down off of my high horse. Because it was then that I learned that the little fairy wasn't actually pushing a wheelbarrow of flowers. Oh no--it was a wheelbarrow full of guns!
Yes, apparently this innocent little flower is actually a deadly weapon in Fairy Land. Being Fairies, of course, the plastic little guys can magically come back to life after they've been killed by the shooting flower. But, still. I can only hope that the same magic will protect Luke and Jaz from any damage caused by my day of bad parenting decisions, and that my innocent little bribe won't prove itself lethal in the longterm.
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