"Don't Smile"

This coming week I will be blogging about playful parenting. I've actually never read the book with that title, and I'm not completely sure that I'm using the term "correctly," but I will be writing about our experiences with what I refer to as playful parenting. This is as much for me (because I sometimes--sometimes rather often--need a reminder to use my playful parenting skills) as it is for any readers who are looking for ways to make this life more fun (not just for our kids--though they surely benefit--but for us). I am hoping that everyone will chime in with their own stories of playful parenting throughout the week.

Over the years, playful parenting has saved me so many times. Saved me from tantrums, saved me from yelling, saved me from feeling the need to threaten or bribe my kids. Playful parenting has kept my kids happy while we wait in lines, and kept them awake when a long drive has threatened to ruin bedtime. Playful parenting has shifted the energy of our entire family on a gloomy day. Once you start thinking in a playful parenting mindset, it's hard to stop. You find solutions where it seems there aren't any. You find the joy where others might think it doesn't exist. I can't really imagine how I would do this--be a smitten mama to these four boys--without it.

One of the smallest of playful parenting ideas is what I call the "don't smile" game. A kid might be stuck in a rut, grumpy for no apparent reason (or a small, silly reason)--and stubbornly so--refusing to shift into a happier state. When Lukas is like this, he growls at me when I try to talk to him, and might even throw a fist in my direction if I try to snuggle him up. It's at this point where--if I'm wise--I'll choose not to join Lukas in grump-land by getting exasperated with him or sending him off for some alone time to "cool off," and instead say in a pretend grouchy voice, "fine, Lukas. You can be grumpy, but whatever you do, don't smile." Lukas will likely wrinkle his nose at this remark. "I mean it," I say, "I'm going to count to three, and you absolutely are NOT allowed to smile during this time." Usually the smile comes before I even get to number 2. The power of "don't smile" is outrageous. Of course, the work doesn't end here; grumpy kid will likely need a few rounds of don't smile, before I ask him, "hey, do you think you can make ME smile?" And then I need to remain upbeat and keep the good energy going.

I find that I have to really enjoy this kind of game for it to work. A half-hearted "don't smile" is not going to cut it. I've got to believe that this is fun. That the game is fun, that shifting Lukas to a happier place is fun, that parenting is fun. For me, playful parenting is not about being fake. I'd rather just choose the grumpy path and take some space from a grouchy kid than be fake and playful. It's about finding the part of me--however small it might be at that moment--that wants to enjoy mothering, and letting that part take over.

I'm not even sure yet what the coming week of posts will be about exactly, but I think I should be able to come up with at least 5 more examples of playful parenting from our daily life to share here. And if you guys share too--maybe you'll even blog about it so we can get a link list going--then we'll all be filled with new inspiration and ideas by the end of the week. Which sounds like a pretty good antidote to February--and all the blah-ness it contains--to me.

And because it's so hard for me to post a photo-less entry, I challenge YOU to not smile at this picture of Jaz, sledding yesterday, with so much gel in his hair (and without a hat, lest he ruin the "look") that his hair stood straight up as he came down the hill.