Luke, Jaz and Zeb had a little mini-vacation from school this week (they had Monday and Tuesday off), and it just so happened to coincide with my finally getting around to starting the book, Simplicity Parenting. I have been meaning to read this book for quite some time, not only due to the intriguing title, but also because of the rave reviews it has received. I am typically a very fast reader, but I am only slowly making my way through this one. It's not that it doesn't flow well or that it's a hard sell. On the contrary, I find myself wanting to absorb each and every sentence. It's not the kind of book that I can read while I'm changing a diaper at the same time. It deserves my full attention, even if it doesn't require it. Thus, I've only managed to read the first couple chapters of Simplicity Parenting thus far, but I am enjoying it very much. I have already been inspired to make change in our family. Firstly, I decided to put away the dvd player for a while, if not forever (we don't have a TV, but we have a small, portable dvd player which is where the kids watch movies), something I had been considering doing before picking up Simplicity Parenting. But reading the book confirmed in my mind that it was time to take a media break. It's often around this time of year that I feel the need to cut back the kids' movie watching since they get into a habit of watching more during the December break from school, and in response to the dreary and bitterly cold weather of January and February, and their self-regulating skills begin to falter.
The issue is that Lukas loves movies. He would really like to watch movies all day long. At times he will claim that watching movies is the only thing he likes to do (of course this is not true). While watching just one movie can temporarily seem to lift Luke to a place of extreme joy, the post-movie letdown generally leaves him in an even worse state than he was in when I felt prompted to suggest, "why don't you just go watch a movie?" Tomorrow the dvd player will disappear for at least a month or so--a plan that Lukas has agreed to without struggle--and I thought that I ought to try and wean him down gradually over the mini-vacation (since he'd grown accustomed to watching something nearly every day), preparing him (and myself) for what was to come. So when Luke asked if he could watch a movie on Monday morning, I said "why don't you plan on watching a movie tomorrow morning; we're not watching any movies today." That's when things started to go bad.
Several hours of grumpy and growling Lukas later, when our friend Meg emailed our potluck listserve to say that she was bringing salad--with lettuce imported from California--to our potluck that night (because imported salad tastes like heaven right about now, while the local root vegetables are starting to taste like rubber), I replied saying that I wasn't sure what we were bringing yet, but that I was seriously considering exporting Lukas to California. A few minutes later, the phone rang and it was Meg, calling to save the day and invite Lukas along on a pet store errand. Luke perked right up at the news and happily bounded out the door when Meg--and her two daughters, Aviva and Liesl--arrived to pick him up.
I thought about how I've realized that as a mother, if I'm feeling grumpy and out-of-sorts, the solution is often to head over to a friend's house or have some friends over to ours, and I really should keep this in mind when the kids are grumpy as well. A little time with some non-sibling peers can switch their moods instantly. When they returned from the pet store, Meg stayed for a while and the kids headed out to the backyard to play (an option that I can honestly forget about in the midst of this never-ending cold). Luke, Jaz and Aviva ended up spending quite some time building a fort out of the branches that our huge hemlock (which is, sadly, dying due to a Hemlock Wooly Adelgid infestation) lost over the winter. Lukas came running inside, exclaiming, "Mom, you have to come see this! It's awesome!"
Lukas crouching in the fort's entrance
Jaz doing some roof work
The kids knew that I would appreciate the fort's chimney,woodstove-lover that I am
Luke inside the fort
Jaz drinking hot cocoa in the fort
Aviva and the big red mug
Chocolate Face(when I showed Aviva this picture, right after I took it, she said,
"oh good! Now I know where to lick!")
So now we move forward, minus the dvd player, with a newfound appreciation for our backyard and our awesome friends who know just exactly how to help, working our way towards a simpler childhood. Optimistic and energized.
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9 comments:
Ah! I hope you'll let us know what you think of that book--it's on my list, behind a few others I'm reading right now.
Your description of Lukas reminds me of my oldest--he loves anything electronic (dvd player, computer, video games, even my cell phone), and we often notice that when we put them away entirely for weeks-or-months, he doesn't ask about them. But when we try to let him have access to those things in moderation, it seems he's constantly stomping around upset and angry because he had to turn something off that he wasn't ready (because he's never ready) to move away from. We're nearing our fourth consecutive week of electronics-light (we still allow the occasional DVD or computer access, and almost always let him listen to audiobooks) and we both keep remarking how much more peaceful and bright our home feels without those things.
The thing is, I totally relate to Lukas. Great pictures!
Hurrah for forts!
i like it. i like it a lot. i have found that i also resort to 'tv' or the computer with the kids in this horrible cold (and we are very windy where we live so being outside, no matter how bundled just isn't any fun).
thanks for inspiring me further (i have begun the weening already) to be more creative (it is easier for me in the warmer weather) with what i let the kids do for fun.
again, i am inspired. i am SO glad you put out a blog!
I've been a big fan of playful parenting too (the book and the approach), so downloaded Simplicity Parenting right after reading your post (yes yes, I'm a Kindle on iPhone addict ... not exactly simplicity, but great for reading at night with our 1yo light sleeper in the room).
So far it's just what we need. A wise and encouraging book that's laying out what we suspected we needed to do, especially for our 3yo. We're not overscheduled but boy howdy are we overcluttered and often distracted (by TV, phones, etc ...).
Thanks so much for sharing your parenting insights. I admire the life you've created for your family.
Julian / Totcycle
LOVE Kim John Payne's work. Jake has done several trainings with him on his social inclusion model, and our parent council brings him up here every other year or so to do a lecture and workshop---but lucky you, he's practically your neighbor in W. Mass.
Re. media: such a hot topic! It's really the addictive behavior that I am least comfortable with, as you say, the symptoms of withdrawal and attitude problems that seem to go along with the activity. Are those addictive neurological pathways the ones I want to nurture in my boys? No, thank you!
This Christmas I had to decline the offer of a wii from the self-titled Technology Uncle (not MY brother!). My dear husband could not set the limit with his own brother, so I did, hopefully graciously. Jonas has a Gameboy, which comes out at Christmas time (half hour play equals an HOUR outdoor play, et.c) and a little bit here and there. But there is no expectation that it will ever "stay" for more than a brief cameo appearance.
Yes, our boys do watch the occasional video or a little recap of the Olympics, and we love homemade movies of babies climbing up stairs! But since our school has a media policy for no usage during the school week, this helps buoy our limits at home also.
When they are doing screen time, what are they NOT doing? I love to frame it like that.
Love those forts dearly!
XO
Iris
I really appreciate your vacation from the DVD player/movies.
Big question-- Have your older boys been exposed to the Wii from friends/school mates? If so, do they ask for it? How do you talk about video games in your home?
This has become a recurring theme for my older guys for about a year when many of their schoolmates seemed to have gotten a Wii for the holidays. We have chosen to be video-game-free in our home, and the boys totally fill their time with great imaginative play, building, reading, etc. but they've become semi-relentless in their Wii quest. We've tried to be clear with them about what we think is right for our family, but it's clear that they've kept their hope alive. I do wonder if by our stance against video games if we have turned them into this 'bigger' thing, something taking on almost a mythical status in their minds. Will my boys grow up leave our home & become scary-addicted gamers because they weren't allowed a Wii in childhood?
Would love to hear your thoughts. MANY THANKS.
Sara:
Oh yes, Luke and Jaz have definitely learned about Wii from their friends at school. I remember them asking once, long ago, for "a star wars wii," and me asking in response, "what is that?" and them saying, "we don't really know, but it's really cool." Some grown-up friends of ours have a Wii (with huge flat screen TV) and every so often (once every 2-3 months), they will host a "game night." We let the kids play with the wii under these circumstances, and just that small taste seems to satiate their curiosity. They play some of the Wii fit games and one other driving game. Nothing violent.
This year, the bigger issue has been computer games, which we've also never allowed, but a lot of their friends at school have gotten into them (especially "club penguin"). We tried letting them play club penguin at my mom's house, theorizing that perhaps the same approach we took with the wii would work, but it was disastrous. The small taste only made them obsess all the more, and we had to outlaw it all together. We do sometimes let them play with "kid pix," a computer drawing program, but that is pretty rare. They have a computer class at school once a week, so I trust they are learning the basic skills there. I have thought about getting a typewriter for them to practice typing with (just for fun, without the hidden motives of games/screen time).
But it's not as though we are battling about video games (or battery toys) on a daily basis. It will be fleeting complaints from the kids, and after a couple minutes of sulking, they move on. They seem to understand our reasoning at this point, which is very helpful. I honestly don't worry about them growing up to be adults who are obsessed with gaming. Most adults I know who are into gaming played a ton of video games as kids as well.
Thanks for the question!
Lex--
Thanks so much for talking about how you & Lena deal with video/computer games. Your perspective is most helpful.
Cheers,
sara
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