Boys and Babies

I love babies. I have always loved babies. It is a love that I have often wished might possibly diminish with time, so that I might feel less consumed by it. But if anything, it simply grows stronger. The vast majority of my childhood memories involve playing with babies--either doll babies or the real babies of my parents' friends--and much of my childhood was spent counting down the days until I could become first a baby-sitter (my parents made me wait until I was 11 years old) and then a mother (an additional 11 years of waiting).

<--- Me, at Luke and Jaz's age. Wearing my favorite clothes (soft and black), and holding my favorite thing (my baby, Payson). The fact that Luke, Jaz and Zeb are at this moment living one of my earliest fantasies (the arrival of a baby brother) is a reality that brings me great joy. Oh how I love witnessing their love for baby Leo. I think I appreciate it all the more because I didn't expect it. I had no idea that our three older boys would be so very enamored with our baby.

I have always encouraged our kids to play with baby dolls. And they have indulged me from time to time, occasionally with true devotion.

3-year-old Jasper, nursing his baby Danny

But for the most part, over the years, the kids have not shown themselves to be particularly interested in babies. So while I knew that they would love Leo, I did not predict that they would love him with as much enthusiasm as they do. From morning until night, most of the time, the big kids just can't get enough of their baby brother.

Zeben plays with Leo (or "Leelo," as he still calls him) more as a peer than as a baby. Their difference in age (2.5 years) is small enough that Zeben can easily relate to much of Leo's daily experience. The other day I spied on Zeb pushing Leo in the kitchen swing and making faces that were causing Leo to giggle deliciously. I said something about how he knew just how to make Leo laugh, and then added, "you and Leo are going to be great friends someday." Zeb looked at me like I was being silly, and corrected me: "we already are great friends, mom!" Zeben is convinced that Leo can say, "hi" (he did say it once, accidentally), and thinks it's completely unfair that Leo gets to nurse in the night whenever he wants to while Zeben himself has to wait until morning.

sitting in the snow together

playing with pots and pans on the kitchen floor

The kids are all so eager to include Leo as a member of their pack, and I try to console myself with this fact when it seems that they forget how little Leo still is. It's not uncommon for us to have to rescue a crying Leo from the depths of a darkened fort that the kids have made especially for him, or to have to remind Luke and Jaz that running around the house with Leo in their arms truly is not a safe choice.

a typical scene of wrestling between Luke and Jaz

minutes later, Leo gets the same treatment

"Leo loves to wrestle, Mom!"

Leo is one of them now

I'm so glad for Leo that he's getting to grow up with these rambunctious big brothers, who I'm hoping will provide him with near-constant entertainment for many years to come. I believe that they are already enhancing his development and they certainly ensure that he gets plenty of attention, even as the fourth child in our family. And I'm just as glad for our older kids to be getting to experience baby love in such an intimate way.

Leo's kisses are still a bit sloppy

But I realized a couple of weeks ago that as far as Lukas and Jasper's development was concerned, we were not taking full advantage of the fact that we have a baby in our house. I was thinking about how if it was six-year-old me in their shoes, I'd be all about the baby care tasks of bathing and dressing and diapering my little brother (in-between using him as a prop in my games of "house," of course). And I came to the conclusion that perhaps Luke and Jaz weren't involved in these aspects of life with a baby because they are boys. Perhaps the messages from their peers at school ("babies are for girls") were out-shouting the messages we'd always tried to give them ("boys play with babies too! Girls grow up to be mamas, and boys grow up to be papas, and both mamas and papas take care of the babies"). Or maybe it was just that their natural approach to hanging out with the baby involved teaching him how to wrestle and play hide-and-go-seek, not learning how to take care of him. But in contemplating which types of life-skills I want our children to learn while growing up in our home, I concluded that how to change a diaper or how to dress a wiggling baby are definitely on the list.

Thinking about all of this reminded me of a book I read many times when I was in second grade, "Oh Boy! Babies!" about a project an all-boys' school started in 1978. The fifth and sixth grade students in the book were given the opportunity to take a 6-week elective course called "Babies" that covered everything from feeding to bathing to diapering. It is a wonderful documentation (that can now be found quite cheaply--I managed to grab a copy for 1 cent!) with some amazing photographs and hilarious quotes. The "Babies" elective turned out to be a hit and was continued for many years. Re-reading this book after it arrived in the mail inspired me to start expecting more of Luke and Jaz when it comes to Leo's care. And thus, when choosing which type of cloth diapers to buy for Leo once he reached size medium, I decided to get something that would be easy for a six-year-old to use.

Yes, it's true. We now have two more diaper-changers in our house. And they couldn't be more thrilled--and proud--about it.

"are you ready?"

removing the old diaper

spreading out the new diaper

laying a--very twisty--baby down on top of the diaper

pulling the front of the diaper up

fastening one side

and then the other

a job well done!

I've always believed that the joy of having a new baby in the house is an amazing gift for each member of the family. Leo is the best antidote to anyone's bad mood. But it wasn't until my recent revelation that I came to appreciate just how special it is for our two nearly-seven-year-old boys to be getting to experience Leo's infancy so fully, especially for boys like them, who wouldn't otherwise be spending much time playing with babies (pretend or real) at all. Maybe they'll grow up to be baby-lovers like their mom after all.

Jaz's daily check for Leo teeth--none yet!